Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

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How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

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My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

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Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

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As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.