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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Having a job is insane because they give you actual money in exchange for pressing the buttons.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Trending via Reddit:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Shared recently on Slack:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Trending via Telegram:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Who you are when you’re stuck behind a slow driver is the real you.

Spotted on Pinterest:

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Trending via Facebook:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Making waves on X:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Just shared via Threads:

On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

2 months ago

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Procrastination level: expert 🏆🤔 Every day’s a new high score! 😂🛋️

decision, hang, hanging, hanging out, humor, i, just, kind, life, life decision, procrastination, reflection, self, self-reflection, should, something, wonder

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Facebook this month:

I have friends in high places (birds).

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

39 shares on X this month:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

21 shares on X this month:

“I can’t possibly lose this if I put it here” I say to myself before completely forgetting where here is.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Men absolutely love buying the same shirt in four almost identical colors and saying, ‘Yep, that’ll do me for the next three years.’

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Just landed via Reddit:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Going viral on X:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Just shared via X:

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

Breaking via Twitch:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Going viral on Discord:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

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Activity Log ✨

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

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Activity Log ✨

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨