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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,692

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

My toxic trait is destroying my room every time I get dressed.

Shared recently on Facebook:

People delete their social media and start acting like they got a master’s degree in maturity.

Trending via Telegram:

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Live now on Facebook:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Just landed via WeChat:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

Freshly posted on Discord:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to call the heart department for a rekindle 🔥❤️🚒

breakup, emotion, fire, heart, humor, joke, relationship, rumor, sarcasm, street, word

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

0

3 weeks ago

app, birthday, birthday reminder, Facebook, humor, media, over-engineering, reminder, social, social media, technology
I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

0

2 months ago

daily, daily life, date, day, frustration, hate, humor, i, impossibility, impossible, kids, life, me, parenting, questions
Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

0

2 months ago

baby, back, excitement, food, half, hell, humor, lunch, motivation, run, run it back, sandwich, second, second half
I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

0

2 months ago

always, cheeseburger, food, heart, humor, i, love, me, mixed, mixed signals, relationship, signals, understand, women
Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

0

2 months ago

ability, accept, change, humor, i, irony, me, supernatural, supernatural ability, things
I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

0

2 months ago

food, humor, i, megabite, megabyte, never, regret, taste, technology, wasted

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Slack this month:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

95 shares on Discord this month:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

21 shares on Slack this month:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Trending via Snapchat:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Just shared via Discord:

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Spotted on Facebook:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Trending via WeChat:

I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.

Making waves on X:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨