Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,629

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Live now on WeChat:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Shared recently on Reddit:

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Spotted on Threads:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Going bananas on Discord:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Seen just now on Discord:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

Freshly posted on X:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like you're ready for a deep-sea pillage in the washing machine! 🐬⚔️🧺

costume, day, dress, dress up, helmet, humor, humorous, humorous quote, laundry, laundry day, playful, quirky, tell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

0

2 months ago

alert, consequences, humor, karma, pay, people, price, relationships, spoiler, treat, treated
The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

0

2 months ago

boss, Christmas, employee, even, humor, never, party, Pope, religion, workplace
I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

0

2 months ago

awareness, being, built, everything, going, human, human being, humor, i, information, information overload, know, limits, overload, think, time, world
My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

0

2 months ago

deprivation, doing, hobby, hours, humor, insomnia, laziness, nothing, procrastination, saying, sleep, sleep deprivation, staying, staying up, three, tired
I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

0

2 months ago

age, happy, happy hour, hour, humor, life, life stage, nap, relaxation, stage, where
I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

0

3 months ago

activity, doing, doing things, exhaustion, humor, i, just, next, people, procrastination, relaxation, sarcasm, things, understand, week, weekend, workweek

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

56 shares on Threads this month:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Time needs a speed limit.

88 shares on Threads this month:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

The void screams into me.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Seen just now on Discord:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Making waves on Telegram:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Freshly posted on X:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Live now on Snapchat:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Just landed via X:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Going viral on Instagram:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Trending via Pinterest:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨