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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Spotted on Discord:

Type of person to take the long way home just to listen to more music.

Seen just now on Facebook:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Just shared via TikTok:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Just shared via Pinterest:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Looks like I've leveled up to boss mode! When did life become an extreme sport? 🏋️‍♂️💪🤣

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Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Another Monday that no one asked for.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Avocado is just green butter.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

They’re uploading my consciousness into a disposable vape.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Live now on Slack:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Making waves on WeChat:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Going bananas on Threads:

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

Just shared via Instagram:

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

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Activity Log ✨

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨