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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Weirdos gonna weird.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,263

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Just landed via TikTok:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Just landed via YouTube:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

Making waves on Instagram:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Live now on Discord:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Going viral on X:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

Live now on WeChat:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

You’re not really a writer unless you send at least one email a month with a script attachment, saying, “Sorry, read this one instead.”

Humorous quote about writers jokingly blaming emails for script mishaps.
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Commentary:
Sent more scripts this month than I've bought coffee—and that's saying something! ☕️📄✍️😅

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Threads this month:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

10 shares on Slack this month:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

60 shares on Discord this month:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

55 shares on X this month:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

94 shares on X this month:

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,472

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Trending via Twitch:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Just shared via TikTok:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Live now on Messenger:

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

Live now on Discord:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Shared recently on X:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Making waves on Reddit:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Making waves on WeChat:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

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