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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,721

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Live now on Messenger:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Live now on Twitch:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Just shared via Instagram:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Spotted on Slack:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

3 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like Santa's switching to a forehead-only delivery service this year! 🎅💸💋

after, Christmas, everyone, finance, finances, forehead, forehead kiss, gift, going, happy, holiday, humor, kiss, money, quick, review

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

2 months ago

anxiety, coping, health, humor, me, mental, mental health, overwhelmed, point, self-care, stress
I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

3 weeks ago

8, absolutely, anything, bed, bedtime, before, except, exhaustion, going, hours, humor, i, irony, joke, need, procrastination, sleep, tiredness, wake
Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

1 month ago

age, brain, childhood, days, difficulty, easier, gaming, hard, hit, humor, just, kid, matter, mental, mental age, nostalgia, opposite, patience, puzzle, wait, Zelda
I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

1 month ago

frustration, humor, i, invoice, management, people, sarcasm, time, time management, wasting, wasting time, wish, work
Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

1 month ago

anxiety, away, creature, fear, giggle, humor, imagine, ran, run, spider, us
Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

1 month ago

drama, family, family drama, hands, holiday, holiday stress, humor, secret, secret family, stress, time, worst, worst time, year

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Spotted on Reddit:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Breaking via Pinterest:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Seen just now on Discord:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

Just shared via WeChat:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

I remember sex. That was cool.

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

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After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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