Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

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Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

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Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

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Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

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The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

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Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

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The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

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Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.