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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,687

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Trending via Facebook:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Going viral on Slack:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

Going viral on Threads:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Just shared via Twitch:

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

Breaking via Slack:

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Spotted on Reddit:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like a recipe for confusion! 😂🥵🔄

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22 shares on Telegram this month:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

87 shares on X this month:

I’ve spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn’t actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

37 shares on Threads this month:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

93 shares on Threads this month:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

There are no adults in the room. The cavalry is not coming. Everything was built by people no smarter than you.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I would like even faster food.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Shared recently on TikTok:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Breaking via YouTube:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Shared recently on Discord:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Trending via Telegram:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Spotted on Instagram:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Trending via Slack:

“I’m like Sisyphus but with dishes. Dishyphus.”

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Activity Log ✨

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

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Activity Log ✨

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨