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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,680

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Shared recently on Threads:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Making waves on Telegram:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

Just shared via Twitch:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Spotted on Telegram:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Going viral on YouTube:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

3 hours ago

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Commentary:
Growing older: gaining wisdom points but with a high chance of memory wipe! 🧠✨🙃

age, daily, daily life, day, every, forgetfulness, forgot, humor, i, just, learned, learning, life, memory, new, old, something, today

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Relationship status: he escaped.

2 months ago

break up, dating, escape, humor, love, relationship, single, status
Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

2 months ago

confidence, fun, good, happen, happiness, humor, naked, positivity, smile, things
Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

2 months ago

counter, disappointed, dismayed, i, nobody, office, person, post, post office, say, shocked, something
Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

2 months ago

baby, crying, humor, joke, knows, maybe, parenting, rizz
Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

2 months ago

cute, dog, drive, driving, drunk, funny scenario, home, humor, me, pet, pub, rescue, scenario, teaching
Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

2 months ago

economics, going, good, good thing, humor, inflation, joke, means, money, thing, viral

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on X this month:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

97 shares on Threads this month:

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

92 shares on Twitch this month:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

88 shares on Slack this month:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Spotted on X:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Trending via Twitch:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Just landed via Slack:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Just landed via TikTok:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Making waves on TikTok:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Breaking via Slack:

I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

Breaking via WeChat:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Relationship status: he escaped.

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨