Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

You honestly gotta believe in yourself so much that it’s borderline delusional.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,630

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

Trending via WeChat:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Making waves on Reddit:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Seen just now on Instagram:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Going viral on Instagram:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Going viral on Reddit:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Lmao, at this rate, my only active status is "Netflix and couch potato" 😂🍿📺

active, activity, awkwardness, dude, even, humor, life, relationship, sexual, sexual activity, social, social activity, social life, socially

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

0

2 months ago

humor, kidney, kidney stone, lesson, life, life lesson, optimism, pass, patience, perseverance, stone, struggle, this too shall pass, too, wisdom
There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

0

2 months ago

ago, alien, government, humor, joke, life, money, planet, planets
You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

0

2 months ago

anecdote, city, funny observation, great, humor, life, live, nature, observation, pigeon, seagull, urban, urban life, wildlife
My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

0

2 months ago

favorite, humor, measurement, smithereens, unit, wordplay
I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

0

5 months ago

blame, even, ever, fault, having, humor, i, mean, office, problem, proof, right, sarcasm, sensuality, sex, sheer, someone, work, yours
If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

0

2 months ago

30, again, agree, anger, back, board, board of directors, chat, communication, conflict, conflict resolution, directors, forgiveness, friends, group, group chat, humor, later, mad, means, minutes, relationship, resolution, told

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

45 shares on YouTube this month:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

28 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

73 shares on Threads this month:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Notice how Lorde has a song called “Tennis Court” and not “Pickleball Court”? Tired of y’all pushing that fake sport.

Just shared via Messenger:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Going bananas on Discord:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Going bananas on Facebook:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Going viral on Slack:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Shared recently on X:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨