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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,723

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

Just landed via Messenger:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

Trending via TikTok:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Going viral on Slack:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

Trending via YouTube:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about childhood misconceptions and unexpected reality, with a humorous, playful vibe.

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Commentary:
I know, right? My "Strangers Offering Free Drugs" punch card is still completely blank! 😅🍬🚫

child, childhood, drug, drugs, expectation, free, free drug, humor, i, impression, much, reality, stranger, strangers, times

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

1 week ago

animal, dog, gangsta, humor, patience, pet, poop, wait, waiting
You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

2 weeks ago

animals, me, release, trust, zoo
Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

1 week ago

attitude, comedy, destruction, great, humor, i, irony, mind, object, sarcasm, sentiment, smash, value
The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

6 days ago

escalator, faster, humor, joke, only, speed, thing, wordplay
Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

3 weeks ago

2, awesome, Congress, country, ethic, humor, month, month off, most, people, sarcasm, taking, two week vacation, vacation, week, weeks, where, work, work ethic
If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

1 week ago

allowed, am, choice, freedom, ham, humor, i, life, life choice, self-acceptance, spiral

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

44 shares on Threads this month:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

94 shares on Slack this month:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t study, get slutty!

93 shares on Telegram this month:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

48 shares on X this month:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

58 shares on X this month:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Just shared via Instagram:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

Going viral on Twitch:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Spotted on TikTok:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

Making waves on WeChat:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨