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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,775

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Going viral on Facebook:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Spotted on Instagram:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Spotted on X:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Trending via Messenger:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Going bananas on WeChat:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Sure, I'll pick up your call, but my face might still be in sleep mode! 😴📞👀

before, call, communication, Facetime, humor, interaction, just, me, please, request, social, social interaction, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

3 months ago
age, beginning, change, decision, everything, good, know, leave, life, life change, love, new, new beginning, over, start, starting, starting over, uncertainty
I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

1 month ago
again, body, cremated, cremation, dark, dark humor, death, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, smoking-hot, want, witty
Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

1 month ago
answer, before, clever, confusion, huh, humor, humorous, i, mindset, question, quick, quick response, repeat, response, sarcasm, say, sometimes, wit
Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

4 weeks ago
annoyance, bothering, call, customer, customer service, hang, hang up, hold, hold music, music, phone, phone call, purpose, quality, repetition, repetitive, service, sound, sound quality, stop
I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

1 month ago
always, care, cliché, enjoy, entertainment, happening, humor, i, mystery, small, small town, something, story, suspense, town
Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

1 month ago
dine, dining, humor, IKEA, joke, money, object, order, restaurant, want

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Making waves on Slack:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Seen just now on Telegram:

How do I un-know people?

Spotted on Telegram:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Just shared via YouTube:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

Breaking via Facebook:

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

Spotted on TikTok:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Love triangle? You mean this Dorito?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

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Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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