Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡Ό has copied:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has copied:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has viewed:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has copied:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ή has copied:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Έ has shared:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has copied:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,943

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Pinterest:

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Making waves on TikTok:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Spotted on WeChat:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Shared recently on Reddit:

By my second β€œcould we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Shared recently on Discord:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Spotted on Twitch:

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Changing my relationship status from β€œSingle” to β€œI give up.”

0
Changing my relationship status from β€œSingle” to β€œI give up.”
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Finally committing to a lifelong relationship… with my couch! πŸ›‹οΈπŸ’”πŸ˜‚ #LoveAtFirstSit"

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Posts 🀝

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

πŸŽ‰πŸ₯‚ New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

92 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

38 shares on Discord this month:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I was talking to someone and combined β€œall good” and β€œno worries” by saying β€œall worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of β€œall the free time you clearly have”.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,917

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡° has viewed:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡· has downloaded:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡³ has viewed:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has shared:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has bookmarked:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has shared:

I totally get why Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to save the environment for future generations. They could be his girlfriend.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has downloaded:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Snapchat:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Shared recently on Threads:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Just landed via Telegram:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

Just shared via Threads:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro β€” it’s not personal.

Just shared via Instagram:

If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

β€œYou have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

Β© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❀️ in Sydney β˜€οΈπŸŒ΄