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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,325

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

Trending via Facebook:

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

Freshly posted on X:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Seen just now on Discord:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

Just shared via Slack:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Going viral on Snapchat:

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Commenting “This could be us” on her pics with her boyfriend.

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Commenting “This could be us” on her pics with her boyfriend.
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Commentary:
That's one way to audition for the role of leading man in the wrong movie! 🎬😅

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

74 shares on Threads this month:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

79 shares on X this month:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

23 shares on Discord this month:

It’s weird when you realize we are the last generation on this Earth to know what lite was like before social media.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone is getting idioter.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,699

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Breaking via Facebook:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Spotted on Telegram:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Trending via Slack:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Just shared via WeChat:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Trending via Facebook:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

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