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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Asking women for sex just to end the conversation.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,671

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

Trending via Discord:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Live now on Reddit:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

Going viral on Pinterest:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Just landed via Reddit:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Spotted on Telegram:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Trending via Telegram:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who knew old matches were such pyromaniacs? 🔥🕵️‍♂️🥴

afraid, anxiety, anyone, before, disposal, else, fear, fire, humor, left, match, normal, run, safety, still, under, used, water

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

0

2 months ago

children, dynamics, having, humor, other children, parenting, parents, social, social dynamics, thing, worst, worst thing
You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

0

2 months ago

20, age, humor, perspective, realization, realize, time, truly, twenty, young, youth
When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

0

2 months ago

activity, blood, blood pressure, family, group, group activity, health, humor, involvement, machine, person, pressure, whole
I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

0

2 months ago

day, die, emotion, exaggeration, going, humor, jealousy
“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

0

2 months ago

advice, career, dress, expectations, fashion, good, humor, job, tutu, want, well
I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

0

2 months ago

alarm, Christmas, countdown, day, days, holiday, humor, i, left, management, procrastination, shopping, shopping day, time, time management, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on X this month:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

70 shares on TikTok this month:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

22 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Trending via Messenger:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Breaking via Messenger:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Live now on Twitch:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Spotted on Messenger:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Making waves on Threads:

Polish girls are just winter Latinas.

Going viral on Messenger:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

Going viral on Discord:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨