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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Spotted on Twitch:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Spotted on Slack:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

Going bananas on WeChat:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Spotted on Threads:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Just shared via TikTok:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

3 weeks ago

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Who knew old matches were such pyromaniacs? 🔥🕵️‍♂️🥴

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21 shares on Instagram this month:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

59 shares on Threads this month:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

58 shares on Threads this month:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Making waves on Messenger:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I keep saying, “It is what it is,” but what even is it?

Going bananas on Discord:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

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Activity Log ✨

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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