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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,638

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

Shared recently on Slack:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I must have hired my dog as a full-time stress consultant 😂🐶💼

animal, animal humor, behavior, calm, dog, dogs, funny observation, human, humans, humor, jobs, observation, pet, pet behavior, relationship, stress

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

0

2 months ago

distraction, doing, everything, humor, laziness, moment, not doing, procrastination, responsibilitie, silence
The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

0

2 months ago

child, confusion, dog, family, humor, husband, noise, sleep, snoring, WTF
Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

0

2 months ago

activity, dancing, humor, line, line dancing, restroom, social, social activity, waiting, women
Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

0

2 months ago

conservation, cut, ecological, environment, humans, humor, irony, nature, only, paper, paradox, sarcasm, save, trees
Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

0

2 months ago

away, brain, floating, humor, meaning, only, skull, thing, thought, unburdened
“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

0

2 months ago

affection, dealer, drug, drug dealer, family, gap, generational, generational gap, grandma, hand, humor, joke, love, man, money

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Telegram this month:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

29 shares on Slack this month:

I will sit in the rain about this.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

88 shares on X this month:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Breaking via Messenger:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Shared recently on Messenger:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Shared recently on YouTube:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Trending via Twitch:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

Shared recently on Twitch:

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

Trending via Telegram:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨