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215 Funny advice quotes

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3 months ago
Share →: Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Commentary:
"When your inner drunk advisor gives you advice, you know it's time to pour another drink 🥃🤔 #CheersToQuestionableWisdom"
3 months ago
Share →: Never trust a wet fart.

Commentary:
"Remember, folks: Never trust a wet fart 💨🙅‍♂️ Just like lukewarm coffee and week-old pizza, some things are best left untested 😂 #LessonLearned"
3 months ago
Share →: Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Commentary:
"Whenever I walk into a room, the urge to use birth control suddenly skyrockets! 🚫👶😆"
3 months ago
Share →: Never eat more than you can lift.

Commentary:
"Remember, the secret to a successful diet is to always make sure your eyes aren't bigger than your thighs! So, never eat more than you can lift, unless you're training for the heavy lifting competition at the next buffet!"
3 months ago
Share →: I need money, not feelings.

Commentary:
"Who needs to be showered with affection when you can be showered with dollar bills? Money talks, feelings whisper… quietly in the corner."
3 months ago
Share →: A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Commentary:
"Remember, when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, it's best to splurge a little – after all, you don't want to end up with a face like a discount knockoff or a stomach ache that's 'fishy' at best!"
3 months ago
Share →: Don’t hate me, date me!

Commentary:
"Who needs haters when you can have daters? Turn those frowns upside down and swipe right to a happily ever after with this clever mantra – Don't hate me, date me!"
3 months ago
Share →: Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal search for the elusive 'right person' – a quest as mysterious and unpredictable as finding matching socks in the laundry. Keep looking, dear friend, for in the vast sea of potentials, there may just be a diamond in the rough…or at least someone who can tolerate your questionable taste in movies."
3 months ago
Share →: If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet sound of silence! It seems opinions are like bad breath – best kept to oneself. Unless you've got a mint, of course."
3 months ago
Share →: Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Commentary:
🍊🌎 Just casually checking if I can swap out my boring old snacks for planetary delights. You know, in case I need to impress the other gods up there! 😂 #CitrusDietyGoals