Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,577

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Spotted on TikTok:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Spotted on Discord:

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

Funny Anthony Bourdain quotes

New funny Anthony Bourdain quotes 👇

All funny Anthony Bourdain quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on WeChat this month:

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

71 shares on X this month:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

50 shades of single.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,339

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

Trending via Pinterest:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Just shared via X:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Shared recently on Discord:

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴