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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,559

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Going bananas on X:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Just landed via WeChat:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

Trending via LinkedIn:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Live now on Slack:

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Going viral on Messenger:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Going bananas on Slack:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Just landed via WeChat:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Funny chess clock quotes

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All funny chess clock quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on YouTube this month:

I remember sex. That was cool.

24 shares on Threads this month:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

38 shares on Threads this month:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever eat a properly salted meal and suddenly understand why the ancient Romans were willing to be paid in salt?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,361

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Next to nothing is a weird place.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Making waves on TikTok:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Going viral on Slack:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Spotted on WeChat:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

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