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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,515

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Going viral on Discord:

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Trending via Threads:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Going viral on Twitch:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Trending via Facebook:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Going viral on YouTube:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

23 Funny choose quotes

More funny choose quotes 👇

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

3 weeks ago

choose, communication, humor, i, just, meeting, meetings, podcast, work
Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

3 weeks ago

able, adulthood, alone, choice, choose, day, freedom, hear, home, humor, irony, kid, loneliness, scary, scary story, stay, stay home, story, want, whatever
I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

3 weeks ago

acceptable, angry, ball, choose, everyone, fast, fast internet, gone, hot, humor, i, internet, night, nocturnal, norms, quiet, shut, silence, sky, social, social norms, socially, sun, understand, why

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All funny choose quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

96 shares on X this month:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

43 shares on Discord this month:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

50 shares on Discord this month:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

16 shares on Slack this month:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Just landed via Messenger:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Breaking via Twitch:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Breaking via Twitch:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

Just landed via TikTok:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Seen just now on Messenger:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Just shared via YouTube:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Just shared via Threads:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Seen just now on Threads:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

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Activity Log ✨

23 Funny choose quotes

More funny choose quotes 👇

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

All funny choose quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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