Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,321

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Going viral on TikTok:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Just landed via Threads:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Freshly posted on X:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Trending via Pinterest:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Seen just now on X:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Trending via Reddit:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Funny commitment issue quotes

Funny commitment issue quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever laughed at the idea of settling down 😅💔 Whether you’re dodging serious talks or just love a good relationship joke, these witty lines bring all the giggles and eye rolls 🤪💬 Get ready to embrace the chaos of love and commitment with a smile and plenty of humor! 🎉❤️‍🔥

New funny commitment issue quotes 👇

All funny commitment issue quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Instagram this month:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

61 shares on Discord this month:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

63 shares on Slack this month:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Men are very good at being women lately.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,435

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Seen just now on Slack:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Spotted on X:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Trending via Facebook:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Just landed via Discord:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

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