Commentary:
Life hack request: insert an extra day between each day so I can nap professionally 😴🗓️😅
395 Funny every quotes
Every day is literally just me distracting myself until the next day.
Commentary:
Sounds like my plan to procrastinate on procrastination! 🎯😄
I love when people find out I meant every word I said.
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Oops! Looks like my mouth finally got GPS – it's taking me places! 😅🗺️🗣️
It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.
Commentary:
Living in the 21st century: where every day feels like an escape room adventure with your phone! 🔍🤖📱
Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.
Commentary:
Wow, reading Shakespeare feels like unlocking the "Where'd That Phrase Come From?" achievement on every page! 😄📜✨
Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.
Commentary:
Moo-ving to Switzerland for the views and the grass-fed lifestyle! 🐄🇨🇭🌄
Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.
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"Trying to sound smart but secretly consulting my phone like it's the dictionary hotline 📞🤔😂"
The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?
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Trying to figure this out… Does switching to "trisexual" require a calendar app? 📅😂
My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.
Commentary:
🚩 Who needs playlists when you can have the musical equivalent of a surprise party every time you hit shuffle? 🎶🤷♂️🎉
On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.
Commentary:
That's one way to keep the air of mystery and perpetual confusion alive! 🤔😂💔