Commentary:
When you turn your prayers into 'Find My Device' 😂🙏🎧
186 Funny everything quotes
Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.
Commentary:
Because by night, my inner night owl finally gets to party 🎉🦉💫
Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.
Commentary:
The phone rang, my motivation didn't. 📞🙃
Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.
Commentary:
Thanks for the family heirloom, but did it come with a return policy? 😂🧠👨👩👧👦
Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.
Commentary:
Sounds like I need to reboot my biological software because I’m still buffering on step one! 🍽️🤔😅
“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”
Commentary:
Feels like my wallet and the weather are having a heated argument! 💸🔥
I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…
Commentary:
Ellipses… they make life… feel like a… never-ending… suspense movie… 🎬😄
I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.
Commentary:
Sounds like my soulmate is in the Witness Protection Program of love! 😆🕵️♀️❤️
Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.
Commentary:
Looks like it's time for a doughnut support group for neglected bagels 🍩🥯😅
I had a marvelous time ruining everything.
Commentary:
Sounds like you won the gold medal at the Chaos Olympics! 🏆😂🎉