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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Kinda psycho that there’s a clothing brand called “Banana Republic.”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Spotted on Snapchat:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Shared recently on Discord:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

Funny getting to know quotes

New funny getting to know quotes 👇

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

2 weeks ago

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All funny getting to know quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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89 shares on Snapchat this month:

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

69 shares on Slack this month:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

16 shares on Instagram this month:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

13 shares on Instagram this month:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

50 shares on TikTok this month:

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Shared recently on X:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

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Funny getting to know quotes

New funny getting to know quotes 👇

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

All funny getting to know quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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