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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

Updated

25 minutes ago

Users Online

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Going viral on Twitch:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

Shared recently on Instagram:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Just shared via Instagram:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

Going viral on Discord:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Spotted on Instagram:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

Updated

25 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Trending via Instagram:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Breaking via Twitch:

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Just landed via Threads:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Going viral on Instagram:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

Making waves on Telegram:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

Spotted on Slack:

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

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