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Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

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Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

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Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

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College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

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Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

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People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

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Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.