Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,288

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Making waves on YouTube:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Just shared via Twitch:

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Just landed via YouTube:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Live now on Twitch:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

Just landed via X:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Live now on Discord:

I like deadlines. They make me functional.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on X this month:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

50 shares on TikTok this month:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I buy candles like I’m preparing for a Victorian blackout.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,651

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Trending via Discord:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Spotted on X:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Going viral on YouTube:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Just shared via Reddit:

50 shades of single.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

Spotted on TikTok:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Seen just now on X:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

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