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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

96 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,690

Funny Quotes Topics

16,895

Funny Quotes Images

14,690

Updated

Dec 1, 2025

Users Online

3,736

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

Spotted on Messenger:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Shared recently on Messenger:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Just landed via Threads:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Shared recently on Telegram:

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

96 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,690

Funny Quotes Topics

16,895

Funny Quotes Images

14,690

Updated

Dec 1, 2025

Users Online

3,613

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

Just landed via Discord:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

Spotted on X:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Trending via Threads:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Going viral on Telegram:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Breaking via Messenger:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

Breaking via Messenger:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

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