Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,749

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Trending via Twitch:

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

Going viral on Facebook:

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

Breaking via Slack:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Shared recently on YouTube:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Seen just now on YouTube:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Going viral on Messenger:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Funny old guy quotes

Funny old guy quotes bring a smile 😄 and a wink 😉 to anyone who loves a little wisdom wrapped in humor. These gems show that age only adds to the charm and wit 🎉. Whether it’s cheeky advice or playful comebacks, funny old guy quotes remind us that growing older doesn’t mean losing your sense of humor 🤣. Ready for some laughs and life lessons from the coolest seniors around? Let’s dive in! 🎈✨

New funny old guy quotes 👇

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

4 weeks ago

autism, exist, guy, guys, hardware, hardware store, humor, met, misunderstanding, old, old guy, perception, store, stores, work
Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

1 month ago

apps, choice, convicted, convicted felon, dating, dating life, felon, guy, having, humor, life, old, old guy, perfect, relationships

All funny old guy quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

29 shares on Twitch this month:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

39 shares on Discord this month:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,528

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I would like even faster food.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

“You’re crazy.” God forbid I keep my family traits alive.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

Trending via YouTube:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Making waves on Slack:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Going viral on Twitch:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

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