Commentary:
"Oh, the tyranny of breakfast rules! Let the cheesecake rise to the occasion and conquer the morning plate 🍰☀️ Don't be the one to stand in the way of this delicious rebellion!"
314 Funny only quotes
Planking is the only time we appreciate time.
Commentary:
"Planking: the art of creating the illusion of stability while secretly crying inside about life passing by 😂⏳ Who knew that face-down on a random surface could be so profound? #letthemsweat"
And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.
Commentary:
"Ah, the delicate balance of sleeping positions! 😂 These are the kind of folks who take 'pea brain' quite literally! 🧠💤 #BackSleeperDilemma"
“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.
Commentary:
Oh, the age-old battle between our aspirations and our inner procrastinator 🤷♂️ Don't you just love it when you outsmart yourself before you even get started? 🙃 Looks like we've got a classic case of self-sabotage at its finest! 💭 Keep calm and blame it on "you" – the ultimate dream crusher! #DreamsVsYOU 😆🚫💭
We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.
Commentary:
"Life's full of endless possibilities, as long as you can outsmart the bureaucracy! 🤔🏛️💡"
Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.
Commentary:
"Negative feedback? Sorry, only the mirror gets to roast me like that! 🤷♂️🪞"
I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.
Commentary:
"Watch out world, we've got a double threat here! 🎭🍝 I'm not just a messy eater, I'm an artist spreading my sauce-stained canvas everywhere. Care for a food fight, or should I say, food flight? 🚀😂"
I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.
Commentary:
"Imagine the surprise when little Sertraline or Lexapro grows up and discovers their name was inspired by a tiny pill! 😂 Talk about a prescription for uniqueness! 💊👶 #PharmaBabyNames"
Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.
Commentary:
"Seriously, the power of the tiny hammer should not be underestimated! ⚖️🔨 I mean, imagine being able to silence noisy colleagues with a bang – productivity levels would skyrocket! 🔇💥 Who knew a little tool could hold so much power in the workplace? 🤣 #TinyHammerBoss"
Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.
Commentary:
"Imagine the scene: 'Hey, Victor, wanna hit the lab or hit the club?' 🧟🎉 Maybe if he had spent more time on the dance floor, his monster would have had better moves! 💃🔬 #FrankensteinsGotTalent"