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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,714

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Shared recently on WeChat:

Babe, you have to believe me. I followed that porn star because I like her political views.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Trending via Telegram:

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Funny open bar quotes

Funny open bar quotes are the perfect way to toast to good times and endless laughs 🍹😂 Whether you’re planning a party or just love a clever one-liner about free drinks, these witty sayings will have everyone raising their glasses 🥂🎉 Get ready to sip, smile, and share some hilarious moments that make every open bar unforgettable! Cheers to laughter and libations! 🍸😄

New funny open bar quotes 👇

All funny open bar quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Messenger this month:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

83 shares on Threads this month:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

65 shares on Messenger this month:

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

33 shares on Threads this month:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

33 shares on Messenger this month:

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,360

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Just landed via TikTok:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Just shared via Discord:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Going viral on Telegram:

One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

Going viral on Pinterest:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Spotted on Snapchat:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

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