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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

You can’t spell crypto without “cry”.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,852

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Shared recently on Discord:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

Seen just now on Discord:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Live now on Threads:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Breaking via Slack:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

Just shared via Instagram:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

31 Funny panic quotes

More funny panic quotes 👇

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

0

5 months ago

advice, day, humor, management, mode, morning, panic, rush, start, start day, starting, stop, stress, time, time management

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All funny panic quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on YouTube this month:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People don’t realize how hard you ride for them until you park.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

43 shares on Threads this month:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

58 shares on Threads this month:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

20 shares on Discord this month:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Going viral on Twitch:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Going bananas on Threads:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Just landed via Threads:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Trending via Threads:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Shared recently on Facebook:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

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Activity Log ✨

31 Funny panic quotes

More funny panic quotes 👇

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

All funny panic quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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