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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

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Funny Quotes Images

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Spotted on Slack:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Spotted on Reddit:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Making waves on WeChat:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Seen just now on TikTok:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

32 Funny panic quotes

More funny panic quotes 👇

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

3 weeks ago

anxiety, escape, give, humor, just, me, minutes, panic, panic room, room, time
Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

3 weeks ago

advice, day, humor, management, mode, morning, panic, rush, start, start day, starting, stop, stress, time, time management

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All funny panic quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I love when the universe delivers receipts.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Y’all be riding them bikes in the street like I don’t gotta look up my next song.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Spotted on Snapchat:

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

Just shared via Facebook:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Making waves on WeChat:

App idea: couples upload their arguments. The internet votes on who was right.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Spotted on Messenger:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Just shared via Instagram:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

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Activity Log ✨

32 Funny panic quotes

More funny panic quotes 👇

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

All funny panic quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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