Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

People who don’t have Twitter are trying to show you stuff you laughed at a month ago.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,730

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Live now on LinkedIn:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

Seen just now on WeChat:

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

Going bananas on Discord:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Just landed via Facebook:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Trending via Twitch:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Funny pea quotes

Funny pea quotes bring a burst of green giggles to your day! 🌱😂 Whether you’re a pea pod fan or just love clever veggie humor, these quirky lines will have you cracking up like a pod full of peas. 🥳💚 Perfect for sharing with friends or sprucing up your veggie vibes, get ready to smile and maybe even feel a little extra *pea-sy*! 🍽️😄

New funny pea quotes 👇

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

1 month ago

back, brain, ear, humor, lie, only, pea, people, side, sleep
The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

1 month ago

annoyance, crazy, day, discomfort, driving, except, hair, humor, inside, me, pea, princess, rogue, shirt
My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

1 month ago

bladder, comedy, fairytale, humor, pea, princess, storytelling

All funny pea quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on X this month:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

32 shares on Threads this month:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

87 shares on X this month:

Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

68 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,632

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I was having a great day, and then, people.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Just shared via Discord:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Just shared via Discord:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Spotted on Instagram:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Trending via Reddit:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Breaking via YouTube:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

Trending via Instagram:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Going viral on Pinterest:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

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