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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,318

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Just landed via WeChat:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Just shared via Threads:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

Going viral on Messenger:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Freshly posted on Discord:

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Spotted on WeChat:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Slack this month:

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

61 shares on Discord this month:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

32 shares on Discord this month:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

63 shares on Discord this month:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,253

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

Breaking via Messenger:

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

Spotted on Threads:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Celery is depressing green water wafers.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Seen just now on Threads:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Live now on X:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

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