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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m so bored of being bored because being bored is really boring.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Shared recently on TikTok:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Going viral on X:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Just shared via Facebook:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Just landed via Slack:

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

Trending via Facebook:

You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my train wreck of a life.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

You are the Monday of my life.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Just landed via Telegram:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Just shared via Discord:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Just shared via TikTok:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Reported on Facebook:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Just landed via TikTok:

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

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