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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,493

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Going bananas on YouTube:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Going viral on Snapchat:

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

Going viral on Instagram:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Just landed via Messenger:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Trending via Snapchat:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Spotted on Pinterest:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Just landed via Slack:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Live now on X:

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Funny riff quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

59 shares on Slack this month:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

80 shares on Discord this month:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

29 shares on Slack this month:

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,441

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Making waves on Instagram:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Going bananas on Threads:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Just shared via Reddit:

“I can’t possibly lose this if I put it here” I say to myself before completely forgetting where here is.

Going viral on Facebook:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Shared recently on X:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Breaking via Twitch:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

Trending via Facebook:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

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