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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

4,030

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Just shared via Messenger:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

Seen just now on Threads:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Seen just now on X:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Trending via X:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Just landed via Twitch:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Home » Funny Sharpie Quotes

Funny Sharpie quotes

New funny Sharpie quotes 👇

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

0

4 months ago

chase, done, funny situation, house, humor, i, never, open, parenting, parkour, Sharpie, situation, through, toddler

All funny Sharpie quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Twitch this month:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

42 shares on Threads this month:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

18 shares on Discord this month:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

28 shares on WeChat this month:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

(lost in the labyrinth and I’m wearing a Fitbit) Nice, got my 10,000 steps.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

Seen just now on WeChat:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Spotted on Discord:

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

Spotted on Messenger:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Just shared via TikTok:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Trending via Discord:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Funny Sharpie quotes

New funny Sharpie quotes 👇

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

All funny Sharpie quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨