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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

Going viral on Facebook:

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

Breaking via TikTok:

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Going viral on Discord:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Just shared via YouTube:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Breaking via Reddit:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Seen just now on Slack:

Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

Seen just now on Threads:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Trending via Pinterest:

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Funny straws quotes

Funny straws quotes are here to sprinkle some laughter into your sips! 🥤😂 Whether you’re twisting, bending, or just sipping away, these witty words add a splash of fun to every drink. Ready to bend your brain and your straw? Let’s dive into a world where humor and hydration collide—because drinking should always come with a side of giggles! 🎉🍹✨

New funny straws quotes 👇

All funny straws quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on X this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

32 shares on X this month:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,511

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Making waves on Telegram:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Making waves on Telegram:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Spotted on Telegram:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Just shared via WeChat:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Going viral on TikTok:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

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