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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Spotted on X:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Just landed via WeChat:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Funny tiny girlfriend quotes

New funny tiny girlfriend quotes 👇

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

2 days ago

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All funny tiny girlfriend quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Messenger this month:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

84 shares on Threads this month:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

62 shares on X this month:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

Breaking via Instagram:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Trending via Snapchat:

Wanna know a real adult life hack? Don’t tell anyone when you have a day off. Absolutely no one.

Just landed via Slack:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I think God was high when he made me.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Going bananas on Messenger:

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Live now on X:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny tiny girlfriend quotes

New funny tiny girlfriend quotes 👇

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

All funny tiny girlfriend quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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