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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I’m not feeling very worky today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,267

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Breaking via Facebook:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Spotted on X:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Breaking via WeChat:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Spotted on Messenger:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

Making waves on Instagram:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Going viral on Telegram:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

92 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

85 shares on Instagram this month:

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

61 shares on Discord this month:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

And for my next trick, I’ll set your soul on fire.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,703

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I am half agony, half hope.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

Trending via Pinterest:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Trending via Telegram:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Going viral on Facebook:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Spotted on Messenger:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Making waves on YouTube:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

Going bananas on Telegram:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

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