Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

80 shares on Threads this month:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…