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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,573

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Broadcasted on X:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Trending via Discord:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you're high and your cat struts in like the CEO of the apartment 😂🐱 "Oh hai, Mr. Whiskers, what's the stock report?!" 📈😹

awesome, cat, cracking, dude, getting, getting stoned, guy, humor, i, just, laughing, love, pet, stoned, walk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

0

2 months ago

attraction, good, good person, hot, humor, i, irony, people, person, wish, women
I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

0

2 months ago

after, buy, buying, consumerism, financial, financial humor, humor, i, irony, less, money, noticed, something, spending, things, worry, worrying
That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

0

2 months ago

body, body positivity, bonus, content, fat, humor, positivity, self-love
Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

0

2 months ago

challenge, chaos, humor, parenting, pudding, raising, teenager, wall
I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

0

2 months ago

buying, commercial, commercials, humor, i, me, scare, something, terrified, tired, toothpaste, trying, want, wrong
My wife has the worst taste in men.

0

2 months ago

humor, joke, marriage, men, relationship, taste, wife, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Twitch this month:

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Blink if you want me!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Making waves on WeChat:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Just shared via Slack:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Going viral on WeChat:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Shared recently on Slack:

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Going viral on Threads:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Live now on Telegram:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

My wife has the worst taste in men.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨