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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,880

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Spreading quickly via X:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Trending via YouTube:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

Going viral on Slack:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Trending via TikTok:

Having a job ruined my life.

Going bananas on Instagram:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Shared recently on Discord:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Just landed via WeChat:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

5 months ago

0

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Living solo: where dust bunnies fear the birthday suit cleaning crew 🧹😆🏡

alone, apartment, cause, cleaning, Funny, funny situation, having, humor, i, just, living, living alone, naked, own, place, situation, whole, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

0

2 months ago

activity, camping, comfort, home, humor, i, mortgage, outdoor, outdoor activity, outside, pay, sleep, thank, wanted
Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

0

2 months ago

cause, energy, humor, irony, just, label, loss, medication, read, removal, thinking, warning, weight, weight loss, wishful, wishful thinking, wrinkle, wrinkle removal
Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad decision, better, choices, decision, decisions, drunk, honesty, humor, i, say, self-awareness, sober, yes
Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

0

2 months ago

adventure, family, humor, marriage, me, relationships, roadtrip, travel, withstand
Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

0

2 months ago

advice, communication, humor, opening, people, scam, trust
Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

0

2 months ago

bed, excuse, humor, i, lazy, potential, procrastination, rot, self-care, sorry, squander, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

46 shares on X this month:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

All I think about is death and sex.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

16 shares on Threads this month:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,945

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Live now on Messenger:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Spotted on X:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Spotted on Instagram:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Going viral on WeChat:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

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