Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,345

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

It’s amazing to think that a Penguin wrote all of those classic books.

Going viral on TikTok:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Just shared via Instagram:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Going bananas on Reddit:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Going bananas on Slack:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Spotted on Telegram:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you hit the snooze button on stress 😂🛌💤

accidentally, anxiety, done, enough, ethic, humor, i, motivation, much, procrastination, productivity, relaxation, relaxed, stress, stuff, too, work, work ethic

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

0

2 months ago

automatic, automatic door, delay, door, door delay, doors, dumb, embarrassment, enough, everyday, everyday life, fast, humor, impatience, life, me, open, social, social embarrassment
I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

0

2 months ago

back, closet, date, existentialism, fashion, humor, i, Nietzsche, nothing, outfit, preparation, stare, wear
No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

0

2 months ago

communication, date, forever, ghost, humor, joke, just, left, relationship, speechless, surprise
My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

0

2 months ago

contradiction, expectations, household, humor, mom, parenting, rules, towel
He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

0

2 months ago

fizzics, funny name, groundbreaking, humor, mr., Mr. Pepper, name, only, pepper, pun, research, science
Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

0

2 months ago

breathe, carbon, carbon dioxide, dioxide, humor, i, nature, plants, remember, reminder, self-worth, useless

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

71 shares on Slack this month:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

91 shares on Telegram this month:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Making waves on Facebook:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Spotted on Telegram:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Trending via Reddit:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Just landed via TikTok:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Shared recently on X:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Just shared via Instagram:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Trending via Facebook:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨