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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,279

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

Shared recently on YouTube:

First World War. Kind of nervous.

Spotted on Instagram:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Just shared via Discord:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Freshly posted on Threads:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

Spotted on Twitch:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

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I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.
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Commentary:
Always knew my heart was overflowing with love… and maybe a bit of coffee! ☕💓🚽

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Instagram this month:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

72 shares on X this month:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

44 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

17 shares on Discord this month:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

74 shares on X this month:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,431

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Seen just now on Instagram:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Making waves on Facebook:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Seen just now on TikTok:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Spotted on WeChat:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Freshly posted on X:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

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