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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,542

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Making waves on Threads:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I hate being around people who mistake my childlike wonder as naivety or weakness. I am simply a war general who loves to giggle.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Making waves on TikTok:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Going viral on Threads:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

20 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Funny birthday message with humorous words about lifelong celebration and staying upbeat.

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Commentary:
Life hack: One birthday post to rule them all! 🎂📅🎉

birthday, celebration, everyone, exhaustion, greeting, happy, humor, i, keep, life, procrastination, rest, sarcasm

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43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

So blunt, you can smoke my truth.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

78 shares on X this month:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Twitter is an abusement park.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a cooked shrimp.

Trending via Messenger:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

Just landed via X:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Going viral on TikTok:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Making waves on Threads:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Spotted on Slack:

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Just shared via Slack:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

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Activity Log ✨

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨