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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,355

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

Just shared via Threads:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Shared recently on Messenger:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Trending via Twitch:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Just shared via Telegram:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

Making waves on Reddit:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Going bananas on Discord:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Living on the edge with that 'faith-based banking' strategy, huh? 🙏💳 Just remember: even miracles have limits! 😂💸 #DivineDebit"

account, attitude, bank, bank account, card, carefree, carefree attitude, check, even, financial, financial struggle, god’s will, gods, humor, i, just, money, spending, struggle, swipe, swipe card

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

50 shares on X this month:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

33 shares on Threads this month:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

They just don’t put milkshakes in the yard like they used to.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

Situation monitoring is not for the uncaffeinated.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Just landed via Slack:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Just landed via Twitch:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

Shared recently on WeChat:

You’re so productive for your wage.

Going viral on YouTube:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Just landed via Messenger:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Trending via Reddit:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Just landed via Telegram:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

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Activity Log ✨

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

69 but we both just farting.

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Keep the laugh going 😂

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

69 but we both just farting.

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨