Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Sign me up for Goat Life! 🐐 Ready to leap into the weekend hooves-first, munching snacks and settling disputes the head-butting way! 😂🙌"

activity, adult, animal, anyone, around, eat, even, fun, fun activity, goat, human, humor, i, independence, jump, me, randomness, rebellion, relief, stress, stress relief, want

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38 shares on YouTube this month:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

85 shares on Threads this month:

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s so unrealistic for me to delete WhatsApp, but man, I’d love to do it.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

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