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Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Seen just now on Messenger:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Breaking via Instagram:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Just shared via Telegram:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Just landed via Discord:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Spotted on Pinterest:

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Revolutionary idea: a 3-day weekend! 🚀🙌 Why not take Monday off every week, right? 🤓😂"

day, day off, every, great, having, humor, i, joke, Monday, relaxation, sarcasm, should, sound, want, week, weekend, work

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62 shares on Messenger this month:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I need to consult the woods about this.

79 shares on Discord this month:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Airports are the perfect place to see people who are experiencing their first day on Earth.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Spotted on Reddit:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Seen just now on Threads:

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

Shared recently on WeChat:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Making waves on Instagram:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Live now on Twitch:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

Just landed via YouTube:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

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Activity Log ✨

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Keep the laugh going 😂

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨