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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Making waves on Twitch:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Live now on YouTube:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

Just shared via WeChat:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Just shared via X:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Playful quote about night texting and morning misunderstandings, full of humorous vibe.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you send a vampire text at night but by morning you’ve gone full-on sunlight mode 🌞🦇😅

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Discord this month:

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

26 shares on Twitch this month:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

57 shares on X this month:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Salt is just angry sugar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,744

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Shared recently on Telegram:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Just landed via Instagram:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Trending via TikTok:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Trending via Snapchat:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

Live now on Messenger:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Shared recently on Discord:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Just shared via Threads:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Just shared via Facebook:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

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